Blame
by Pikapegasus
Summary: Steven confronts Pearl after the truth behind Pink Diamond's shattering comes out (and how Pearl had a hand in it). (Post-latest Steven Bomb) (Oneshot)


**A/N:** So this is basically my reaction to yesterday's Steven Bomb, except it doesn't actually contain any spoilers about it? My oneshot is instead based on the theory that Pearl shattered Pink Diamond bc I live for angst and honestly if that became canon, it'd lead to such angsty moments on the show lmao rip

pearl shattered pink diamond: a conspiracy thread by me

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"Pearl?"

She hears the familiar sound of Steven dismounting Lion, followed by the sound of his careful footsteps, growing louder as he gets closer to her. She tenses.

"I, uh, came here because Garnet said you were probably here," Steven says, stopping behind her. "Everyone's been getting worried because you never came home."

Well.

Pearl exhales, looking out at the night sky from the cliff side. She recalls the last time she was here with Steven, the old battlefield, after discovering Rose's scabbard. Now, she's sitting only a few feet back from the edge, for the better, fuller view it gives of the stars.

And if she's being honest with herself, the thought of returning home had yet to cross her mind since she'd left.

"Pearl…" Steven repeats her name, this time standing next to her so he can make eye contact. Pearl doesn't return the favor. "I just want to talk about...everything."

But what is there to talk about? Pearl wonders if Steven's just been put up to this by Garnet, since she's the team leader, and can't really afford to lose any more Crystal Gems when they're practically staring down an inevitable second Gem war with the Homeworld Gems.

Besides. Steven had been the reason she left, anyway.

She'd always known her precious time with him would end someday, when she was exposed for her _lies_.

(Lies that had damaged his beloved mother's ethics and image in the eyes of her only son.)

Steven sighs, looking down at the ground. "I'm still mad. I won't lie. You _lied_ to me, and made me think that my mom was this... _monster_."

Pearl holds back the flinch she feels within her at Steven's words condemning her actions.

Fortunately, he seems to recognize that quickly. "B-but I don't think you're a monster for what you did, Pearl! I just...wish you had been honest with me, from the beginning. There are just so many secrets…"

She feels more than sees Steven sit down beside her, at a safe distance. He looks out at the horizon with her. "This doesn't change the fact that you're still my family, Pearl. You did a bad thing, but we all make mistakes. That doesn't mean we aren't still family."

Finally, Pearl speaks. "Your resemblance to her never ceases to amaze me."

Steven looks up at her and, after taking a deep breath, Pearl looks back at him.

He offers her a tiny smile. "That's not a bad thing."

"No. It's not," she confirms, the tiniest smile coming to her face. For just one, selfish moment, she allows herself to look upon Steven, the child she helped raise, the child she'd come to think of as her _own_ , and she _knows_ he still loves her, just as she's always loved him.

But now the inevitable damage has been done; she's been exposed and is expecting to lose it all, right here, right now.

"I'm not expecting you to forgive me," Pearl says slowly, turning her gaze back to the horizon. "I'm not expecting _any_ of you to forgive me. Rose never wanted the truth to be revealed, but I've known for a long time it was inevitable. We shouldn't have buried it for so long."

"Is that why you were so loyal to Mom?" Steven questions, his voice free of judgment. "'Cause she wanted to keep your secret?"

Pearl shakes her head. "No. While that may have initially been a small part of it, I truly chose to follow her into combat out of my... _feelings_ for her, if you will."

"But why did she want to keep it a secret?"

"It was a complicated matter," she says vaguely. "I didn't just carry out the plan on my own; I was part of something bigger that involved pinning the blame on your mother, but it contributed to her side of the war, I suppose. The Resistance." She looks at Steven again. "I know I'm still not being clear but...it's been awhile since I've had to remember."

Or just think about it at all, really. So much of her time and energy is spent with the other Gems and Steven these days, preparing for Homeworld's visits. Aside from that, she's spent so long playing the role of a _mother_ , in Rose's absence, she hasn't had time (or the desire) to think about things other than young Steven.

"It's okay, Pearl," he reassures her. He places a hand on her arm. "'Cause you'll tell me the truth this time, right?"

"That's my intention," she says as honestly as she can. But then she frowns, shaking her head. "But you shouldn't trust me. I let _you_ take the blame."

"Well, I'm _kinda_ Rose Quartz-"

"I let you take the blame for something I let your mother take the blame for, when it all should've been blamed on _me_ from the very beginning," she declares, her voice shaking. " _I_ should've gone with Aquamarine to Homeworld, not you. _I_ should've been tried for the shattering of Pink Diamond, not you. _I_ should've been there to take the fall, to be…"

"Shattered?" Steven asks in a voice so small, Pearl forgets how old he is for a moment. When she looks to him, his eyes are wide and full of tears. "Pearl, _no_ , you don't deserve to be _shattered!_ No one deserves to be shattered!"

"I violated that ideology, your _mother's_ ideology," she argues.

"But, like you said, it wasn't just all _your_ decision!" he protests.

"I wasn't too opposed to the idea of Pink Diamond being shattered," she admits softly. She sighs. "It wasn't until I'd spent a long time with your mother that I began to really believe in her opinions about the value of Gems."

"But now you _do_ care about all the Gems," he points out. "The other stuff, the bad stuff, was all so long ago! Thousands of years ago!"

"Even so, Steven," she says, "I can't run away from this crime any longer. If Blue Diamond returns to Earth to get to the bottom of things, I won't hide this time. She can take me, because then, hopefully, she'll leave you, the others, and the planet alone, once and for all."

" _Pearl_ ," he practically _whines_ , shifting so he's perched up on his knees in front of her now, looking at her directly, "we _won't_ let you do that!"

"It's not your choice, Steven," she says sternly.

"Yes, it _is!_ " Steven shouts, grabbing her by the shoulders. "If _I_ have Rose Quartz's gem and that means I'm kind of her, then...then I'm technically the _leader_ of the Crystal Gems! And as your leader, I say _no!_ "

He practically _screams_ the last word in her face, rattling Pearl's head for a moment. She simply stares at him as fat tears roll down from his eyes. He pulls her into a bone-crushing hug, burying his face in her shoulder. Pearl sighs, feeling tears escape her eyes as well. She wraps her arms around him, gently holding him against her.

They stay like this for several minutes. Pearl rubs his back, resting her cheek against him. It's been a long time since she's just... _held_ him like this. Reflecting further, she recognizes how much Steven has matured in recent years. The things that used to drive him to run into her arms for comfort are now just mundane.

Would she sacrifice herself for this?

She knows she would. She knows it now, somehow, even more quickly, more _readily_ , than when it was Rose Quartz herself in the picture; when Steven's involved, Pearl will do _anything_ for him in a heartbeat.

Steven finally settles down somewhat, his sobs reduced to shaky breaths and sniffles, but his arms remain around her neck. "I'm not letting go, 'cause then you can't go to Homeworld. At least, not alone."

Pearl doesn't protest the tear that falls at that. Her hand on his back comes to a stop as a small smile forms on her face. "Thank you for looking out for me, Steven."

He releases a shuddering breath, hugging her more tightly. "Garnet said you'd want to be alone and want to do something like that, like turning yourself in. You _can't_ , Pearl."

"Hopefully, it won't come to it," she murmurs.

"Please come home," Steven whispers. "We can't be the Crystal Gems without you, Pearl. It's just not the same."

She combs her fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down further. "I doubt the others will be as insistent as you. I lied to _everyone_."

"I'll make them forgive you!" Steven insists, pulling back to meet her eyes. "I already forgive you!"

She frowns.

"I mean, I'm still mad, and I was _really_ mad when you were gone," he explains. "But it's been almost a _week_ , so then I just got worried."

"You don't have to worry. I'll be fine."

"So...will you come home?"

And now they're back to the true reason behind Steven's visit, aside from starting the process of making up with her. She's admittedly uncertain, because she doubts anyone will be particularly happy to see her right now. Amethyst and Garnet are definitely both feeling betrayed; Greg probably is as well, as this is _Rose_ they're talking about, and Pearl contributed to putting a target on her back (and, consequently, on Steven's back).

But none of that matters as much as Steven's expectations for her now. She _needs_ to be truthful. So she is.

"I'm not sure I'm ready," she answers.

"Oh. Well…" He looks down at her hand in his lap, grabbing it with one of his own. "I have food and water in Lion's mane, so...can I stay with you?"

She wants to say no. Really, she does. There are a thousand thoughts swirling around her brain in that moment, all arguing reasons why that's a bad idea, for Steve's safety, health, sanity…

But, at the same time, Pearl wants to make things right with Steven properly before returning to the others. She's not sure if it's because of his parentage or because it's just _him_ (years ago, it would've been the former, but now, it's most likely the latter), but she values his opinions above those of the others.

So, she offers him a gentle smile. "Yes, Steven, you can stay."

He beams up at her then, quickly catching her in another hug with a rushed "Thank you so much, Pearl!"

"No more secrets," she promises quietly.

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 **A/N:** fam...let's talk about the Steven Bomb (aka if you didn't watch yet/don't wanna be spoiled then stop reading now!).

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WHO DO YOU GUYS THINK SHATTERED PINK DIAMOND?

I definitely think it was at least one of the other Diamonds (bc maybe two of them were working in kahoots hmmmmmm) and *maybe* Pearl? We know for sure now that it's most likely definitely not Rose. Idk tho, I binged like all the way up until the episode in season 4 about onion's friends in the woods last year, so I don't remember a lot of the lil details from past episodes that well. :0 But I'd be interested to hear what you guys think!


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